My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
