So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
