I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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