i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
