dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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