i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
