what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
