Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
