My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
