My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
