happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
