2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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