just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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