if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
