She's JV to your varsity
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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