you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
