I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize