Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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