we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize