the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
