my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
