im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
