What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize