I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
