So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
