im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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