dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
