Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
