I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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