my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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