I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
