Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
