I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
