Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
