When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i drank out of a bidet.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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