I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
