The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
