Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
