Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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