Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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