We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize