people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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