ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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