I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
