dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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