So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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