Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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