Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
