A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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