Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
