It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
