Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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