you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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