I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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