Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
