$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
