So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
