I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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