wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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