i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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