"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
