a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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