Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
