Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
