She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
