Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i love accidental penises.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize