i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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