Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Two words: nipple clamps
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